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Death To Mediocrity.

Mar. 25th, 2006

08:59 am - 55 days until graduation.

Holy cow.

Mar. 15th, 2006

04:58 pm - Scaredy Cat

[x] the dark
[x] staying single
[x] getting married
[x] being a parent
[ ] giving birth
[x] being myself in front of others(just some others, really)
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] cats
[ ] dogs
[ ]birds
[x] spiders and/or other insects
[ ] driving or being in cars
[x] flying
[ ] being put to sleep (anesthesia)
[ ] flowers or other plants
[xxxxxxx] being touched
[x] fire
[ ] water
[ ] the ocean
[ ] pools
[x] failure
[x] success
[ ] germs
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] mice/rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] cemeteries
[ ] clowns
[ ] large crowds
[x] demons or evil
[ ] crossing bridges
[x] Hell
[ ] Heaven
[ ] being robbed
[ ] being sexually assulted
[x] men
[ ] women
[ ] having great responsibility
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[x] being punished
[ ] diseases, including cancer and STD's
[ ] snakes
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] poverty
[x] ghosts
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains or railroads
[ ] fear
[x] being alone
[x] losing my friends
[x] being blind
[x] being deaf
[ ] growing up
[ ]drugs
[ ]sharp objects
[x]dead people
[ ]gays/lesbians
[ ]the guys who wear turbans and work at gas stations/deli's
[ ]midgets

repost saying i fear _ out of 51 things

Mar. 1st, 2006

04:49 pm - Can you hear the sound of hours blowing away?

I never write on my blogs unless I feel bad.

This time is not an exception.

This journal is probably a really unfortunate misinterpretation of me, or a shamfully apt one.


I am presently stalking someone.

Feb. 20th, 2006

06:05 pm - If I don't get some substantial social contact soon....

I may implode.

I am so getting Superdrag "In The Valley Of The Dying Stars"

Feb. 18th, 2006

06:19 pm - My chicken salad can beat up your chicken salad.

I had this dream the other night that I was on my way to see Tara. I was going to her school's homecoming but I didn't go alone. I went on a bus with half of my school. Most of the people had this disease that inflamed their skin and really changed their appearence. I was so afraid I was going to catch it, it was really contagious.

I gathered from that dream that even if I do go back to be closer to Tara(or anyone from earlier in my life)that I am going back with everything I've gotten here. I've really grown to love the rural, Appalaichain influence in my life, and it made me grow as a more open-minded, more grounded, and a less biased and affected person. I have been concerned that perhaps that my northern comrades might look down on this. But I am genuinely a better person for it and I can't be contrite for it. I think the disease symbolized the worse characteristics (the small-mindedness, the gossiping, etc.) of living in a small, country town that I've been concerned about. Has it infected my character? Have I obliviously complied with the common nature of muy environment?

Snow, what makes you think you're wanted here?

Current Mood: worriedworried

Feb. 5th, 2006

09:28 pm

My life is so entirely different than what I thought it ever would be...yet I'm pretty much the same.

I'm tired of being dispensible.

I'm tired of southwest virginia.

I'm tired of relationships that are distant and uncommunicative.

How on earth does someone like me get elected homecoming queen? Homecoming queens don't feel like this and they certainly don't weigh 177 pounds.

Jan. 7th, 2006

09:23 am - Up in smoke, burnt down to size

Well, socially things aren't that great. I don't know why, but it always seems I am very different essentially from my friends. I've been in a pretty bad mood about recent things. Evan, yet again has went back to not being my friend again, for reasons unbeknownst to me. I'm almost sure it's about this stupid Westley drama, but if it is he has no right to be angry. Especially considering I hadn't done anything wrong. I don't think it's something I've done, because I've been scrutinizing every thing I've ever said or done with friends since I was in 8th garde. Even though I miss really badly being friends with Evan I don't think I'm going to be if I have the chance. I'm tired of letting down my gaurd just to be rejected again and again.

As far as the situation with Wes, it really makes me mad because of how extremely civil I've been about the whole situation. I've not ran my mouth about him (although it would have been justified), I've only confronted him once(and even though it scared him,I still wasn't bad), I haven't complained about it to(or even told)any mutual friends about it with the exception of Chrissy, who still didn't find out about it from me. I just got tired of being put down and just let the friendship go. That was it. It's like, becuase he can't sexually objectify me, he feels like he has to punish me. Then because I choose to have some self respect, it's a serious offense to him.

What is it about me that is so unacceptable to men? What is so wrong with me to where I cannot be treated as a normal person? Is it because of my looks? I know I'm not conventially attractive, but for pete's sake, do I look like something they keep locked in the basement? Looks shouldn't even matter, especially if you're just friends.

Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed

Dec. 30th, 2005

09:36 pm - Your love is the Sunshine too, a stained glass window I'm looking through

I had the best sushi at the China Star. Like, drool all over yourself good. I love seaweed. Times like this really make me miss my Grandmother and her wonderful Japanese cooking abilities. I wish I could have learned how to make sushi the way she did because my dad and brother fix it like slobs. They don't even attempt to roll it!

I've really had some awesome spiritual renewal. I feel so ready to start the new year. I feel strong, forgiving, content and not afraid or nervous for the first since 9th grade. Praise God. I've been waiting for it for so long, and that is just an understatement. It really resonates the promise, for me, that "ask and ye shall recieve" and I have prayed and fasted for it and now it's finally here.

I have decided not to go really dressy for prom. I was dreading prom, but now I'm really exited about it. I feel free to just enjoy it now. I can spend time planning on actually doing some thing worthwhile at prom, and I can't do that and make myself look fancy all at the same time. Everyone tells me that it's overrated anyways.


Current Mood: contentcontent

Dec. 24th, 2005

08:12 pm

I'm a loser

I'm a loser

I'm a loser

I'm a loser
I don't want to go to college I want to live in a cave

10:45 am - Meet my new boyfriend, Seth Rogen

Melody is having a baby girl. My first instinct was right! Tomarrow I am getting a lot of embroidery floss for Christmas so I am going to get started on baby ones-ies and bibs.^_^

I went Christmas shopping and saw Angela and her sister(it kills me I can't remember her name)from Pound. Which was funny, becuase I was trying on this outfit and I thought it looked alot like something she would wear. She said she was talking about me to somebody too +spooky twilight zone music+.I got my grandpa this really nice game set, with chess,cribbage,checkers,dominoes, cards and backgammon and it's made out of glass and wood. I got my mom pants and a nice turtle neck. She got my grandpa a DVD Player and The Muppits Show on DVD.

Best Christmas song period.

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

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